Here are some excerpts from my talk for the Messiah College Men's Breakfast:
I think a lot of guys struggle to figure out what mature Christian manhood means…. I do think it has something to do with responsibility and being able to handle responsibility. I like to think a real man is someone you can count on. But if “responsible” means being serious, I don’t want it, because I like to have fun. If it means just following the rules, I don’t want it, because some Jesus was not a blind rule-follower. Responsibility MIGHT mean that you don’t follow the rules but you accept the consequences without whining or trying to get out of it. In short - I want maturity that has something to do with living a vital life!
G. K. Chesterton, the British Catholic writer said that “Jesus promised his followers only three things – that they would be fearless, absurdly happy and always in trouble.”
As I think about what it means to be a man, I’d like to think that these are qualities that fit our general conception of manhood (not that they aren’t qualities of women) but they are admirable for most men.
Still, as I look around campus, around my church which has a thriving men’s ministry, and at myself, I don’t see these things a lot of the time.
I see a lot of men who appear to be lazy,insecure, fearful, stoic, bored and relatively tame. Not really alive.
As Christians we know we can’t be violent jerks or womanizers so it’s like we have to choose between being a sort of nice, bland, non-entity who follows the rules, or one of the guys from the show "Jackass."
Another problem I see is the extent to which guys trade in real masculinity for vicarious or fantasy masculinity. It’s like guys are saying: “I can’t be the kind of man I admire (be it James Bond or Maximus) so I will enter a fantasy world where I can pretend to be that guy or watch movies that allow me to vicariously experience a life of action and vitality.”
I think that real manhood, as well as being “absurdly happy” and “always in trouble” really flow out of the freedom from fear.
The fact is that people fail to achieve what they are capable of and fail to live life to the fullest because of fear.
In Matthew 13 – Jesus tells the Parable of the Sower
The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away. The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful.”
Fear has to do with a person’s sense of security.
Fear includes worry and anxiety, stress, shame, embarassment etc.
I generally think that what we should aim for is courage, not fearlessness.
Courage says, “I AM afraid, but I will not allow my fear to knock me off the path that God has for me, today, tomorrow or ever. If it ever does knock me off, I will take the most direct route back to that path and keep going.”
Sometimes we try to fake fearlessness, because sometimes the thing we’re most afraid of as guys is being exposed as a fearful person.
“The only thing we have to fear is…_____.”?
Fear of failure keeps some people from even trying, in every area. Whether it is making a bold move on the athletic field (and for some people, just stepping on the field is scary), making a bold move with a woman you’re interested in, getting a job, or talking honestly about what’s going on with you, fear can stop you. The truth is that “If you’re not failing regularly, you’re living so far below your potential that you’re failing anyway.”
If courage is among the most manly attributes and can only be exercised by doing something we are afraid of, and the thing we are most afraid of is being vulnerable with other men, then the most manly thing we can do is that!
It is also a tool for God's redemption in our lives. James tells us to confess our sins to one another...
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