Wild at Heart?

A friend of mine wrote a review of John Eldredge's book Wild at Heart : Discovering the secret of a man's soul. He ripped it to shreds.  I can see his point.  Eldredge tries to identify masculine cultural universals, many of which have to do with a tendency toward violence and aggression. Is Eldredge really qualified to identify "cultural universals"? Even if he is right, are cultural universals to be accepted or fought?  I don't know. 

Here's reality though. When I read the book, I find a shoe that fits. For people like me that prefer to be critical, that's hard but... there it is.  When I read the book, I see myself on many of its pages.  Is that because I'm "wild at heart"?

Actually, its because I'm insecure.

A couple months ago I was on a men's retreat where one of the speakers said, "Women are naturally insecure creatures."
Um... Have you seen men? Why do guys fight? Why do guys strut and posture? Why do guys get drunk BEFORE going to a social event? Why are guys constantly trying to one-up each other with stories of bravado, rebellion and severe injuries.  Because we're confident and secure? Please.

Another men's story: A few weeks ago I was at my church's men's meeting.  The leader was talking about how to form meaningful friendships with other guys.  It was mostly sort of How To Win Friends and Influence People kind of stuff.  Listen.  Ask questions about what other guys are interested in.... 

At my table I said that I thought guys should be more honest with each other about their own struggles instead (not that I'm good at this).
The response from one guy was classic. A pretty "normal guy" (like the rest of us) said "I don't want to share that kind of thing cause I don't know if the guy I'm talking to might have some reason to want to take me down."

Huh?

Was he aspiring to be the Don of a mafia family? Was he running for political office? Was he a professional fighter?

No.  So what exactly was he afraid of?

The most courageous thing a guy can do is simultaneously the thing that intuitively makes us feel the least manly.  Being vulnerable.  

And this is why Wild at Heart is a good book. Because Eldredge is honest about the fact that guys are insecure, vulnerable, wounded, somewhat ridiculous human beings. Oh, don't worry male chauvinists, I know women fit the same description and that's what is so interesting. Men and women have the SAME basic problems in different ways (that's another blog).

I think Eldredge is basically right that modern society largely emasculates men and thats part of why we're insecure.  We WERE made for more than most of what occupies us.
So what are we to do? Buy swords? Play more paintball?  Spend more time outdoors around fire? Lift more weights? Submit less frequently to norms of hygiene? Would that help?

I would say (and I think Eldredge would agree) that in some ways all of those things, while fine (and pretty fun), ultimately sublimate male energy into relatively fruitless and in fact harmless pursuits.  The primitive-warrior obsession drives guys into violent video-games, which yield nothing or finding self-worth in athletic accomplishment, which is ultimately fleeting for all and unattainable for some.  I'm not down on sports, just finding self-worth in them.

And so this is the great adventure I propose. This is the genuinely dangerous battle to be fought. Be honest and vulnerable with some other men.  Our potential to break the emasculating hold of society and do anything that really matters is contingent on our ability to openly identify the things that scare us, that make us feel insecure or inadequate, the things that underlie all of our attempts to appear manly or play at masculinity without making a real difference.  Their power to control us is in the fact that we "can't" talk about them. We need to bring them into the light and let their power be broken.  Then we can stand back and see our lives and determine what it means for us to collectively "man up" in accord who God has made each of us, in our own time and place (not 11th century Scotland).

I hope to give this a shot over the weekend with my brother and another close friend.  Then maybe we'll punch each other and watch Gladiator.